The End is Near…

The end of Lent approaches!

How are you doing?

Personally, I confess to you, my brothers and sisters: I’ve really stunk at following the letter of the law for my Lenten practice.

I meant well, intending to infuse every day with a monastic amount of prayer… but I bit off more than I could chew as far as how much time I can honestly dedicate to prayer in a given day. I’ve made to to Mass almost every day, done the Rosary every day, did at least one, if not two, offices of the Liturgy of the Hours every day, and spent my half hour in mental prayer (i.e. what I have to do as a Secular Carmelite)… but I’ve just really failed at doing the Office of the Readings, a Daytime Prayer, and Night Prayer, as I’d intended.

But I think this Lent has been very meaningful for me as far as the spirit of the law: Preparing my heart for Easter, sacrificing that which is practically meaningless to spend time in prayer/with God. I’ve done a lot more thinking about God, reading spiritual works, doing praise & worship, discussing faith, reaching out to those in need, and being compassionate.

I know that I beat myself up too much for failure, especially when it comes to disappointing people.

But something I’ve come to realize is that God is much easier to UN-disappoint than we give Him credit for being.

We tend to think that He’s like our parents, for example. Loving though they may be, it usually takes some work to come back into favor if you’ve disappointed them.

Then, if you’re like me, you end up paralyzed to do ANYTHING to ameliorate the situation because the gap between what you did and what you should have done is so huge, it’s overwhelming.

What we need to realize, however, is that this paralysis is part of the effects of sin: It’s not of God! God ALWAYS wants us to do whatever we possibly can do to move towards Him, even if it’s in small increments. That may seem like just a common sense statement, but how many times do our sins, whether of omission or commission, blind us to the INFINITE mercy of God??

And thank God for that.

Seriously, do it now: Thank God for His infinite mercy and His over-abundant and amazing Grace. Then let Him forgive you so you can start moving up the mountain once more.

Then start climbing.

Redeeming Mardi Gras

Oh, Mardi Gras. Literally “Fat Tuesday.”

It gets such a bad rap sometimes.

People are afraid of the extreme licentiousness and just disgusting revelry that happens in some areas of the world, and I don’t blame them. We really should pray that these people realize that this is not where they will find fulfillment!

But besides praying for those who are celebrating Mardi Gras the wrong way… we can also have more redeemed observances!

Joy and celebration are very Catholic things, and I think that we have to be careful that we don’t completely disdain people enjoying themselves — just the WAY they do so! — lest we come across as a very depressing, anti-fun bunch, when that’s not true: “A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
 
Just as we’ve redeemed pagan Saturnalia and the pagan spring celebrations with celebrations of Christ’s birth and Resurrection, we can even redeem Mardi Gras! Christ makes all things new — all things pre-Christ and all things after Him.
 
Getting together with friends, perhaps drinking responsibly, laughing, playing (non-licentious) games… these are good fellowship, set a good example, and give people an alternative to the madness: showing people a positive celebration.
 
Enjoying the last day for 40 days that you’ll be able to do something you’ll be sacrificing isn’t bad, I don’t think. I think that all too often, we tend towards using Lent as a self-improvement program (i.e. an excuse to start a diet, quit smoking), which is good in that you’re treating the “temple of the Holy Spirit” better… but I think that the true meaning of “giving something up” is that you are sacrificing something GOOD in your life so that you a) become more thankful for God blessing you with whatever it is, b) spend the time/money on the poor or in prayer instead of on ourselves and c) offer it up to God, who is all we truly need in this life.
 
So spending Mardi Gras enjoying a special feast, enjoying that last piece of chocolate, enjoying that last drop of alcohol for 40 days: As long as you’re not being excessive, I think it’s a great way to celebrate God’s gifts and live in a joyful moment before you head into the desert.

I actually really enjoy Mardi Gras celebrations — mostly because I’m with my friends and doing it *right*: When we say “Laisser les bons temps rouler!” (Let the good times roll!), we mean, “Let’s have fun!” not “Let’s sin with reckless abandon!”
 
So now that you’ve lived in the joyful moment, welcome to the desert, friends. I wish you a grace-filled 40 days.

I personally got very excited to be switching to my Red volume of the 4-volume breviary! (It’s the little things in life )

Everything’s Coming Up Roses

“I will spend my heaven doing good on earth. I will let fall a shower of roses.”
~ St. Thérèse of Lisieux
Traditionally, when you pray for St. Thérèse’s intercession, she sends you roses to let you know that she is praying for you.

Prayer is so amazing.

While sometimes it feels like sending up words that are useless, weak, empty…
And sometimes it feels like you’re sitting alone instead of sitting with God…
And sometimes you’re so distracted by what St. Teresa of Avila calls the “memory and imagination” that you don’t end up really praying at all…

But sometimes you cry out… and receive a consolation in return.

St. Thérèse is so lovely. It rubs me the wrong way to hear people talk about her as “powerful”, because I don’t think she would be very happy about being described as such. But she’s definitely very sweet and kind and holy.

We had our Secular Carmelite community meeting on Sunday afternoon and spoke much about St. Thérèse and her intercession. I prayed for her intercession on Sunday night. And Monday morning, when I was watching TV (waiting for my brain to begin functioning), there they were: Roses. On the table during a clip from Matt Lauer’s interview with Barack Obama.

The most unlikely of places for ME to see them, since I’m normally watching DVR’d shows and definitely almost never catch even a glimpse of the Today Show. It shocked me a little, but I had a feeling of knowing they were from St. Thérèse.

Confident that she was praying for my intentions, I prayed again this morning, asking her to continue her prayers.

And this is a picture my friend’s boyfriend posted on Twitter… I just had to laugh.

Now, my friend’s name is Rosemary, so it’s a reference to her name (awww), but it just absolutely cracks me up that these were my *roses* today… And it also brings tears to my eyes because of the mystical element of prayer.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
~ Matthew 5:8
I don’t think this means that we have to wait until the end of our lives to see God, but rather, that the more pure your heart is, the more you will see God in the world around you… Just like St. Thérèse always did. So I’m not claiming that I’m completely “pure in heart” or that these roses are miracles meant for the world to hear about and see. But I do believe that we are better able to see minor miracles when we not only open our eyes, but also open our hearts.

So thank you, my sweet sister Thérèse, for your prayers and for these consolations and encouragements.

And I hope that you, dear readers, will see God in the minor miracles in your lives.

Stand By Me

Ever look so hard for something that you miss the fact that it’s right in front of you?

All the time at Barnes & Noble, people would ask for a book that they’d just spent the past 20 minutes looking for… and I’d pick it up for them — right from the section in which they’d been looking. Now, these were not dumb people, they were just missing the obvious. I used to joke, “Yeah, we hide the books in plain sight: It makes them harder to find!”

But isn’t this so true about God?

I’ve realized the past couple days that I’ve been trying so hard to find God, trying to seek Him and His consolations in my time of self-doubt… but I didn’t see Him because He was standing right beside me the whole time.

I realized this only after being at an XLT tonight (praise & worship music, a speaker, and Adoration). Fr. John Blazek (one of my heroes) was walking around with the monstrance, holding it out in front of different groups of people for them to adore the Eucharist up close and personal, then blessing them with it. When he came to my group of people, he basically stood right next to me, so that I couldn’t really see the Eucharist… but I could feel His presence so so strongly.

And then I had an “A-ha!” moment: I’d been growing so close to God — doing His work, praising Him, trying to be a holy Carmelite, etc. — that I suddenly lost sight of God. Not because I was straying from Him, but because I was holding on to Him so tightly that my eyes went out of focus. I kept expecting God to be “out there”, somewhere at arm’s length, so when He stood right next to me, and worked in me, all I could see was a blur.

Teresa of Avila has her interior castle with God in the very center of our beings. We have to travel through many rooms in order to reach that inner sanctum in which the Holy One resides.

I had been admiring the castle from afar: Ooohing over its lavish gardens, aaahing over its well-formed turrets and flying buttresses, gasping at its sweeping lines.

But now I’m at the drawbridge, and I can’t see the whole castle.

But I know it’s right in front of me.

And I can’t wait to enter and explore all the treasures that lie inside.

All You Have to Do is Call and I’ll be there… You’ve Got a Friend

Why do we try to do things on our own?

God is so ready to share all His amazing grace with us, if we would only ready ourselves to accept it… but we keep telling Him, “Wait, hold on, I’ve got this covered.”

Twice in the past two weeks, I’ve lost a couple pretty important items. (This is what happens when you become a youth minister, apparently: You lose all ability to keep track of things.) Within minutes of saying a quick prayer to find them… I mean, literally, within 3 minutes… the items turned up. Now, I’d been looking extensively for these things. And the instant I turn to prayer, they turn up.

This is a very small matter. But I believe that God winks at us in little things to tell us something about the bigger picture: He’s got that covered, too. Just turn to Him. He’s right there, waiting for you to call upon him.

Look at what happened to Peter:

Matthew 14: 22-32

Then he made the disciples get into the boat and precede him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone. Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. 

During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them, walking on the sea.

When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. “It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear.

At once (Jesus) spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

Peter said to him in reply, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.”

After they got into the boat, the wind died down.

He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus.

But when he saw how (strong) the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”  Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 

As soon as Peter sank — because he didn’t believe he could really walk on water — all he had to do was call out to Jesus, and he IMMEDIATELY “stretched out His hand and caught him.”

St. Teresa of Avila says prayer is “an intimate sharing between friends”, a being alone with a God, who we know loves us.

So phone a friend, will ya?

Welcome to Carmel

Good evening.

Kelly of the Holy Spirit here, starting this blog as a form of mental prayer… in the attempt to spend more time doing said mental prayer. (1/2 hour per day is required of Secular Carmelites. To put it mildly, I’m not good at making time for this.)

I entered Carmel June 1, 2008… If all goes well, I’ll make temporary promises of chastity, poverty, and obedience in June 2010, final promises June 2013… No looking back!